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detox
Naaaaaah. NaaaaaFLAC.
Joined: 20 Mar 2003
Posts: 4317
Location: Durant
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HER DIARY:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We
had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with
my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was
a bit late, but he made no comment on it.
Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we
go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say
much. I asked him what was wrong. He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it
was my faultthat he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do
with me, and not to worry about it.
On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He
smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I
don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I
felt as if Ihad lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me
anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant
and absent.
Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go
to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he
responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was
distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep -I cried. I don't
know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My
life is a disaster.
HIS DIARY:
My Harley wouldn't start today, but at least I got laid! _________________ I7 2600K
EVGA 980ti FTW
16gigs
SSD
3x Dell U2412 Monitors
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Sat Dec 20, 2008 2:35 pm
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Shinare
SEXNOCULAR
Joined: 17 Mar 2004
Posts: 13332
Location: Up your butt with a coconut!!
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An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western town one day. He'd been out in the desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey. He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger walked out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, 'Hey old man, have you ever danced?'
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, 'No, I never did dance. I just never wanted to.'
A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said, 'Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now,' and started shooting at the old man's feet. The old prospector was hopping around and everybody was laughing. When the gunslinger fired his last bullet, he holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old man reached up on the mule, drew his shotgun, and pulled both hammers back making a double clicking sound. The gunslinger heard the sound and everything got quiet. The crowd watched as the gunslinger slowly turned around looking down both barrels of the shotgun.
The old man asked, 'Did you ever kiss a mule's butt?'
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, 'No. But, I've always wanted to.'
The lessons from this story are:
1. Don't waste ammunition.
2. Don't mess with old people. _________________ For with what measure you measure it will be measured to you.
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Fri Feb 27, 2009 11:02 am
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TehDanMan
Guerilla Ontologist
Joined: 01 Jul 2003
Posts: 13143
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A crowded flight is canceled, and a frazzled agent must rebook a long line of inconvenienced travelers by herself. Suddenly, an angry passenger pushes to the front and demands to be on the next flight, first class.
The agent replies, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first."
The passenger screams, "Do you have ANY idea who I am?"
The gate agent grabs her public address microphone, "May I have your attention, please? We have a passenger here WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to gate 17."
The man grits his teeth, "Screw you."
She replies, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too." _________________ Blargle Flarg Bergah Merg
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Wed Jul 29, 2009 10:54 am
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LightningCrash
Smile like Bob, order your free LC today
Joined: 03 Apr 2003
Posts: 5020
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TehDanMan wrote: A crowded flight is canceled, and a frazzled agent must rebook a long line of inconvenienced travelers by herself. Suddenly, an angry passenger pushes to the front and demands to be on the next flight, first class.
The agent replies, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first."
The passenger screams, "Do you have ANY idea who I am?"
The gate agent grabs her public address microphone, "May I have your attention, please? We have a passenger here WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to gate 17."
The man grits his teeth, "Screw you."
She replies, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too." I always say there's nothing like a good joke.
and that was nothing like a good joke.
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Wed Jul 29, 2009 11:01 am
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TehDanMan
Guerilla Ontologist
Joined: 01 Jul 2003
Posts: 13143
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Steve and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go this time because his wife wouldn't let him. After a lot of teasing and name calling, Steve headed home frustrated.
The following week when Steve's buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Steve. He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing rod in hand, and a camp fire glowing.
"How did you talk your missus into letting you go Steve?"
"I didn't have to," Steve replied.
Yesterday, when I left work , I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because I couldn't go fishing. Then the ol' lady Snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'."
"When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see through negligee and she said, ' Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want'.....
So, Here I am!" _________________ Blargle Flarg Bergah Merg
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Fri Aug 07, 2009 10:36 am
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Brules
M F C E O
Joined: 23 Mar 2003
Posts: 11074
Location: Konnichiwa, bitches.
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While the C-5 was turning over its engines, a female crewman gave the G.I.s on board the usual information regarding seat belts, emergency exits, etc.
Finally, she said, 'Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to Afghanistan '
An old MSgt. sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, 'Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman? '
When the attendant came by he said 'Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?'
'Yes,'! said the attendant, 'In fact, this entire crew is female.'
'My God,' he said, 'I wish I had two double scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think
with only women up there in the cockpit.'
'That's another thing, Sergeant,' said the crew member, 'We No Longer Call It The Cockpit'
'It's The Box Office.' _________________ K-SWISS Power cologne. Who knew you could bottle the scent of boner?
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Wed Aug 26, 2009 12:02 pm
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