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 okgg.org > Forum Index > Gibberish > hear a good joke? post it here Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3, ... 27, 28, 29  Next

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nimda
Curator of art Faggory


Joined: 18 Mar 2003
Posts: 12180
Location: on a mountain in colorado
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nor did i want to. i can read through the '>'s! Cool
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Post Fri May 16, 2003 12:50 pm  View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger ICQ Number
detox
Naaaaaah. NaaaaaFLAC.


Joined: 20 Mar 2003
Posts: 4317
Location: Durant
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MooseDog wrote: detox, couldn't you have cleaned that up a little? Get rid of those >s, they're annoying.


If you don't like it then don't read it. Smile

Post Fri May 16, 2003 1:29 pm  View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website ICQ Number
MooseDog
Hay, look over their!


Joined: 19 Mar 2003
Posts: 3744
Location: Back in Oklahoma
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Yeah, well, Scope is cool. You guys suck. Razz

Post Fri May 16, 2003 2:04 pm  View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address ICQ Number
nimda
Curator of art Faggory


Joined: 18 Mar 2003
Posts: 12180
Location: on a mountain in colorado
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The inventor of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.
 
At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
 
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said,"I want to hang out with God."
 
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
 
God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented motorcycles, eh?!"
 
Arthur said, "ya, that's me..."
 
God commented, "Well, what a big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can't run without a road?!"
 
Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me but aren't you the inventor of woman???" God said, "Ah, yes."
 
"Well," said Arthur, professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention.
 
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion;
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;
5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous!!
 
"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."
 
God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.
 
The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
 
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."
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Post Fri May 30, 2003 11:43 am  View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger ICQ Number
nimda
Curator of art Faggory


Joined: 18 Mar 2003
Posts: 12180
Location: on a mountain in colorado
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As a mother passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked, "What in the world are you doing?"

The daughter replied, "Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."

The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator. To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said, "Dad, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband! Please, go away and leave me alone."

A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the family room.

She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, staring at the TV. The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy. The wife asked, "What the hell are you doing?"

The husband replied, "I'm watching the ball game with my son-in-law."
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Post Fri May 30, 2003 12:01 pm  View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger ICQ Number
nimda
Curator of art Faggory


Joined: 18 Mar 2003
Posts: 12180
Location: on a mountain in colorado
Why Computers Sometimes Crash! by Dr. Seuss  Reply with quote  

(it's an oldie, but a goodie)
--------------------------------------------------------------------
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort,
and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse;
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'cuz sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang.

When the copy on your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk,
and the macro code instructions is causing unnecessary risk,
then you'll have to flash the memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM,
and then quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom!
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Post Fri May 30, 2003 12:29 pm  View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger ICQ Number
nimda
Curator of art Faggory


Joined: 18 Mar 2003
Posts: 12180
Location: on a mountain in colorado
cussing  Reply with quote  

A 6-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6-year-old. "I think it's about time we start cussing." The 4-year-old nods his head in approval. The 6-year-old continues. "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm going to say 'hell' and you say 'ass'."

"OK!" The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year-old what he wants for breakfast.

"Aw hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear every step. The mom locks him in his room & shouts, "You can just stay there till I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4-year-old, and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast young man?"

"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios."
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Post Fri May 30, 2003 12:45 pm  View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger ICQ Number
Sagz
Jaeger Bomb!


Joined: 19 Mar 2003
Posts: 2160
Location: Norman
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LOL you are on a roll today
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Post Fri May 30, 2003 12:58 pm  View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger ICQ Number
nimda
Curator of art Faggory


Joined: 18 Mar 2003
Posts: 12180
Location: on a mountain in colorado
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nah, i just got a shitload of forwards from my grandpa. Wink
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Post Fri May 30, 2003 1:03 pm  View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger ICQ Number
noescapes
kn33scrap3s


Joined: 28 May 2003
Posts: 796
Location: The Graveyard
more  Reply with quote  

more more must have more.
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mmm, mmmm, mmmmm, um ,mmmmm

Post Fri May 30, 2003 1:08 pm  View user's profile Send private message AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
Brules
M F C E O


Joined: 23 Mar 2003
Posts: 11074
Location: Konnichiwa, bitches.
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Those are some really good ones k_os....

Brules

Post Fri May 30, 2003 2:12 pm  View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Sagz
Jaeger Bomb!


Joined: 19 Mar 2003
Posts: 2160
Location: Norman
Tongue Twister  Reply with quote  

A man with a black eye, boards a plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits
down.

He immediately notices that the man next to him also has a black
eye and says, "Hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes;
mind if I ask how you got yours?"

The other guy replies, "It was a tongue twister accident. I was at
the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the most beautiful
large breasts was there. So, instead of saying, 'I'd like two tickets to
Pittsburgh,' I accidentally said, 'I'd like two pickets toTittsburgh.'...
and she socked me a good one."



The first guy replied, "Wow! This is unbelievable. Mine was a
tongue twister, too. I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to
say to my wife, "Please pour me a cup of coffee honey.'

But I accidentally said,
'You ruined my life you evil, self-centered, fat-assed, bitch!'
Shocked
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Post Tue Jun 10, 2003 9:59 pm  View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger ICQ Number
nimda
Curator of art Faggory


Joined: 18 Mar 2003
Posts: 12180
Location: on a mountain in colorado
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niiiiice! i 'bout fell outta my chair laffing.
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Post Tue Jun 10, 2003 11:04 pm  View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger ICQ Number
mole
pwn3d


Joined: 23 May 2003
Posts: 111
Location: owasso, ok
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A mushroom walks into a bar and asks for a drink, the bartender says "we dont serve your kind here"
the mushroom replies "hey, come on, i'm a fun guy"

Very Happy!

(complements of my OK History teacher)

Post Tue Jun 10, 2003 11:12 pm  View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger ICQ Number
Max
If it ain't Over Clocked, it's CRAP!


Joined: 26 May 2003
Posts: 1302
Location: The World
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bow down to k_os.

best jokes i've read in a looong time.

the cherios one was by far the best Very Happy

Post Tue Jun 10, 2003 11:55 pm  View user's profile Send private message AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
nimda
Curator of art Faggory


Joined: 18 Mar 2003
Posts: 12180
Location: on a mountain in colorado
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i heard that one a looooong time ago, but i got it again in a forwarded email from my grandpa. too good to not share with the rest of ya. Smile
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Post Wed Jun 11, 2003 7:36 am  View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger ICQ Number
Sagz
Jaeger Bomb!


Joined: 19 Mar 2003
Posts: 2160
Location: Norman
Your Brain on Drugs  Reply with quote  

Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in
court on Friday in front of the Judge.

The Judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a
second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and
try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs
forever. I'll see you back in court on Monday."

Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one,
"How did you do over the weekend?"

"Well, Your Honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."

"17 people? That's wonderful! What did you tell them?"

"I used a diagram, Your Honor. I drew two circles ! like this:

O o

....and told them the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small
circle is your brain after drugs."

"That's admirable!" said the Judge.

To the second boy the judge said," And you, how did you do?"

"Well, Your Honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."

"156 people! That's amazing!! How did you manage to do that?"

"Well, I used a similar approach. I drew two circles ....

o O

.....and said (pointing to the small circle) "this is your asshole before
prison....."
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Post Wed Jun 11, 2003 9:54 am  View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger ICQ Number
J3ST3R
I'm NSFW


Joined: 20 Mar 2003
Posts: 6732
Location: White Forest
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People tell me that sexual experimentation is good. So I decided to try out a mixture of S&M, necrophilia, and bestiality. But then I figured that would probably be beating a dead horse.

Post Wed Jun 11, 2003 11:51 pm  View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address
detox
Naaaaaah. NaaaaaFLAC.


Joined: 20 Mar 2003
Posts: 4317
Location: Durant
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An old penny pincher had no friends. Just before he died he asked his doctor, lawyer, and pastor to gather around him at bedside.

"I have always heard that you can't take it with you. But I want to disprove that theory," he said. "I have $90,000 under my mattress, and when I die, just before they throw the dirt on me at my burial, I want you each to toss in an envelope with $30,000 within."

The three attended the funeral and each threw his envelope in the grave. On the way back from the cemetery, the pastor said, "I must confess. I needed $10,000 for my new church, so I only threw in $20,000." The doctor then said, "I must confess too. I needed $20,000 for a new hospital I was opening up, so I only threw in $10,000."

The lawyer looked at them both and shook his head. He then said, "Gentlemen, I'm surprised, shocked, and ashamed of you. I don't see how you could dare to go against that man's final wish. I mean, I threw in my personal check for the full amount."

Post Tue Jun 17, 2003 8:08 am  View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website ICQ Number
detox
Naaaaaah. NaaaaaFLAC.


Joined: 20 Mar 2003
Posts: 4317
Location: Durant
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THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO SAY AT WORK, BUT CAN'T:

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet
it's hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to
humiliate yourself in public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you
people learn to worship me.

6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being
smarter.

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a
message...

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a
word you're saying.

10. Ahhh... I see the f___-up fairy has visited us
again...

11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young
and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of
strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just
don't give a damn.

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your
mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial
misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged
by your unique point of view.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't
mean you're an artist.

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is
purely coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of
Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are
largely ceremonial.

23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would
be...?

24. Do I look like a people person?

25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with
fluorescent lighting.

26. I started out with nothing & still have most of
it left.

27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you
missed.

31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

36. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is
done.

37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

38. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just
wanted paychecks.


*My Favs are #6 and #10!*

Post Tue Jun 24, 2003 9:18 am  View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website ICQ Number
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