What do you call 20 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?



a good start.
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For with what measure you measure it will be measured to you.

paraphrased but here goes:

So this trucker has an extreme prejudice against laywers and he makes it a point to run over any lawyers he sees walking through town.

One day he finds a priest hitchhiking and he gives him a lift, and the priest asks the trucker if he can just drop him off in town by the bakery.

When the trucker gets into town he notices a laywer walking from an office to a coffee shop and starts to get over to run him over but stops, thinking "I'd better not do this, there's a priest onboard"

He pretends he didn't see the laywer and sets his eyes back on the road when he hears a loud noise. He looks in his mirrors and sees the lawyer crumpled up on the sidewalk.

He exclaims "But I missed him!" outloud, to which the priest replies "I know, I had to get that bastard with the door!"

oK, that one was teh funnay.
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For with what measure you measure it will be measured to you.

A local business was looking for office help and put a sign in the window
saying:

HELP WANTED: Must be a good typist and be good with a computer. Successful
applicant must be bilingual.
We are an Equal Opportunity Employer

A short time later a golden retriever trotted up to the window, saw the
sign, and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail,
then walked over to the sign, looked at it, whined and pawed the air. The
receptionist called the office manager. He was surprised to see a canine
applicant. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the
office. Inside, the dog jumped up on a chair and stared at the manager
expectantly. The manager said, "I can't hire you, the sign says you must
be able to type."

The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter, and proceeded quickly to type
a perfect business letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the
manager, gave it to him, then jumped back up on the chair.

The manager was stunned, but told the dog, "That was fantastic, but I'm
sorry. The sign clearly says that whomever I hire has to be good with a
computer."

The dog jumped down again, went to the computer and proceeded to
demonstrate his expertise with various programs, produced a sample
spreadsheet and database, and then presented them to the manager. The
manager was dumbfounded. He said to the dog, "Hey, I realize that you are
a very intelligent applicant and have fantastic talent, but you're a dog.
Theres no way could I hire you."

The dog jumped down and went to the sign in the window and pointed his paw
at the words, "Equal Opportunity Employer."

The exasperated manager said, "Yes, I know what the sign says. But the
sign also says you have to be bilingual."

The dog looked him straight in the eye and said, "Meow."
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For with what measure you measure it will be measured to you.

Two chickens are on opposite sides of the road. One chicken says to the other, "Hey how do I get to the other side?"

The other chicken yells back, "You idiot, you are on the other side!"
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Blargle Flarg Bergah Merg

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts.
A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"

"Why, officer?" asks the blonde.

"Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed."

"Oh my goodness," exclaims the blonde, "I left my baby on the bus!"

why don't indonesians take baths?

cuz they wash up on the beach!

YAAAAARRRRRR!
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to soon?
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Blargle Flarg Bergah Merg

no
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Well, I laughed so I guess not
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Blargle Flarg Bergah Merg

my sister told that one to me the other day, and i laughed my ass off... and then cursed her soul.
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I was getting dress when I read it I forgot a sock and went to put my shoe on
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Blargle Flarg Bergah Merg

TehDanMan wrote: to soon?

Sorry, I noted it after I posted it, but didn't edit it.
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Blargle Flarg Bergah Merg

A 70-year-old man went to the doctor's for a physical. The doctor ran some tests and said to the man, "Well, everything seems to be in top condition physically, but what about mentally? How is your connection with God?" And the man answered, "Oh me and God? We have a really tight bond, he's so good to me. Every night when I have to get up to go to the bathroom, he turns on the light for me, and then, when I leave, he turns it back off." The Doctor was astonished. He called the man's wife and said, "I'd like to speak to you about your husband's connection with God. He claims that every night when he needs to use the restroom, God turns on the light for him and turns it off for him again when he leaves. Is this true?" And she said, "That idiot, he's been peeing in the refrigerator!"
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Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm. His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached. The next day he goes to see his chum, and finds him playing tennis.
"Incredible!," says his friend. "Medical science is amazing."

Another month goes by and the same two guys are again at the sawmill working when the same guy gets too close to the spinning blade and this time his leg gets cut off. Again his buddy takes the leg, puts it in a plastic bag and takes it to the hospital to get re-attached. The next day, he goes down to see his chum and finds him outside playing football.
"Incredible!," says his friend. "Medical science is amazing!"

Well another month goes by and again the same two friends are at the mill cutting wood when suddenly the same guy bends down too close to the blade and off comes his head. Well his friend takes the head, puts it in a plastic bag, and heads to the hospital to get it re-attached. The next day he goes to see his friend but can't find him. He sees the doctor walking down the hall and says, "Doc, where is my friend? I brought him in yesterday."

The doctor thinks for a minute and says, "Oh yeah, some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."
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Three railroad workers, a Chinese man, an Italian, and a redneck, are all sitting down to lunch. The Chinese man says, "If I get another egg roll in my lunch, I'll kill myself." The Italian guy says, "If I get another slice of pizza, I'll kill myself." The redneck says, "Iffin I get another ham hock, I'll kill myself." The next day, all three men get the same lunches, so they throw themselves in front of an oncoming train. At the funeral the Chinese man's wife says, "If only I hadn't packed an egg roll that day." The Italian guy's wife says, "If only I hadn't packed a slice of pizza that day." "Don't look at me," says the redneck's wife. "He done packed his own vittles."
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A jock and a geek applying for the same job. The boss said, "Boys, you need to take a test before you can get this job." So they took the test and the next day they came back to see who the boss chose. "Well," he said, "Both of you got the same score except I'm going to choose the geek." The jock complained, "Don't you think that's prejudice or something?" "Well," the boss said, "Let me tell you what happened. Both of your papers were right all the way through until the last question came up, and the geek answered 'I don't know,' and then when I looked at your paper, you answered, 'Me either'.
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Don't like my driving? Then, quit.
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More RAM than Dodge!

nimda wrote: why don't indonesians take baths?

cuz they wash up on the beach!

YAAAAARRRRRR!